advise from many ppl

Just now read thru the history that ryan, eric and sk gives me. I feel very sad when scroll down the conversation history. I noe their intention is correct de but it causes me very sad and lonely. What should I do now? I don’t know.

Eric, seems like what I have plan to do in order to achieve mature its wrong de. “什么啦叫我看你的部落格什么什么啦！老实说我觉得统统都是废话连篇！” what should I response him? I write blog is just another way to express my feeling. Why u do not get what I mean? Fine, I plan 等我真的长大了，就去烦您, as I think not meet him for sometime might let me to plan what can I do to address this problems, he reply me 我很肯定你永远都长不到! 一个人成长不成长是别人给你的形容,不是因为为了得到别人所谓的这种称赞而虚伪的去做只因为了一种肯定一种别人无聊的肯定。成熟是否不是表面的,是发自内心的。是一种由心而发的成长,不是去跟从所谓的社会固定形式的成熟论而去做。你成长是因为你自己不是为别人,为了让自己进步。If u purpose is want me to judge u again when v meet i can straight away tell u d! u r failed again! Yup, I always behave wrongly in front of u. I’m failure, failure indeed when I friend wit u. I born to be fail one.

He says really sad to c u like that! i din said u r failure or look dw on u. I never think that at all. Fine, stop the conversation, don’t kacau me. c all ur mistakes come out d, always like that. thats all la, dont make friend wit failure la. ok! as u like! but u still my frenz! i din said u'r not my frenz! Ok! Do whatever u like! but please rmb what i told u the last listen anot is up to u! i treat u as my frenz i only said so if other i wont fuck them off at all!!! 一个人成长不成长是别人给你的形容不是因为为了得到别人所谓的这种称赞而虚伪的去做只因为了一种肯定一种别人无聊的肯定。成熟是否不是表面的是发自内心的。是一种由心而发的成长不是去跟从所谓的社会固定形式的成熟论而去做。你成长是因为你自己不是为别人为了让自己进步

Now what should I do now? I lost contact with him already. Really don’t want to see him for long period then find ways to become mature? When think I’m mature then only go to find him? I don’t know need how long to do that. How long don’t meet him? Half year? Two years? Really don’t know. I seems like lose him already.

Ryan, he says: ”your relationship, your temper, your character. all of tis is it sum way u do some miztake n tat y u cant get d real fren n some time ppl dun like u. ppl dun like talk 2 u. ppl dun like play 2 u n dun date u even hv sum activity b coz your internal nt strong enough. b coz your temper, your attitude. when u dun like somthing all u put in front of your face n sometime ppl ask u sumthing u do like dun noe n your conversation nt strong enough n sometime b come 'alone". walk alone, dun wan mix wif your fren. When play in crazy. u not crazy enough. Not crazy when play games.”

Sk, I don’t want to hide this guy anymore. Last time when I friend wit him, he can sense that I tend to hide something. He can sense that my anger easily express on my face. His response is almost same as eric. I always promise him to become mature but just talk only.

Parents become stop those advise already especially my mothers. Always say im failure. Leave that school is the most terrible things im do. What should i do now? Instead of always listen to those things repeatly, why bother to go bk? next semester do not go bk so often, ok? sure.